i wasn't ready

For the longest time I've told people I want to be a writer.

"What do you want to write about?" many would ask.

"The movies, TV, theater, music, really anything involving culture in general." And they would nod their head and say encouraging words to me, and while I listened and tried to take to heart the advice I received, I would think to myself I don't know where my focus is. Where can I find some inspiration? Reading the New Yorker magazine gave me some. Diving into the archives to discover some of my favorite critics opinions was a casual pastime for me, like working out or photography is for others. And I wanted to write like those guys, because they were smart, passionate and driven, getting their point across in ways that were both insightful and honest. But every time I would sit down to write, or even attempt to think about writing, something would get in the way: a job, my friends, my life, but mainly myself. Nothing was ever good enough to put out there. I would be sharing not only my opinions and thoughts, but would be exposing my personality and quirks. Was I ready for that? Nothing and nobody could push me. I had my excuses and it was always "I'm not ready."

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From an early age I loved New York, or perhaps more to the point, I loved the way New York seemed. In television sitcoms I enjoyed like "Friends", "Will & Grace", "Sex and the City", the city was a romantic fantasy that contained all the typical New York City trappings: tree-lined streets, bottomless incomes, cosmopolitans and cappuccinos. I quickly learned many of these shows didn't even film in New York. And while I knew that that wasn't what New York was really like, I still wanted to go and experience it myself. I wanted to see the places I had seen on the silver screen, soak up the culture, wander the streets and get lost. And now I'm actually doing that.  FOR 2 1/2 MONTHS. New York has inspired me, literally moved me. It has been the thing that has finally pushed me forward. No other place in the world would get me to move across the country away from my friends, family, and jobs than this place. I hope its worth it. 

* * *

I first went to New York City this past January with my two former roommates. That trip was a whirlwind, negative-temperature-ridden, touristy dream, I knew the whole time it didn't show me what New York was really like, and that was okay. But now having just landed at John F. Kennedy International Airport, alone, and with 10 weeks ahead of me looming full of possibilities, I'm starting to realize this might be the place to stir something in me, FORCE me to write. So this blog, while new and still unsure of its focus much like its writer, will be about my adventures here, the people I meet, the sights I see, and also how you can uproot your life, your circumstances, your everything and try for something great, something for you.

A lot of my life I haven't been ready for the things this world has thrown at me. So while I'm in New York I'm hoping to be challenged but also enlightened, to be able to gain confidence, and also to be able to learn from the strength of those around me, and use it to strengthen myself. So in a sense it's not about being ready or not ready, but in fact being willing, and so for all the times I've said to my friends, peers, family "I'm not ready", this adventure is to prove that I am. That I'm trying. Here goes nothing.